Losing Steam

I know that everyone gets tired of being pregnant at the end. Everyone gets uncomfortable. Everyone just wants the baby out and in their arms. But I feel like I'm starting to go a little bit crazy. I don't think I can endure relentless stomach pain 24-7 for another month. It's getting worse, and I don't know if that's because I have the regular 9th month discomfort on top of the stomach pain, or if it's actually getting worse. I can't even tell - all I know is it hurts so bad that I have a hard time thinking about anything else. Ever.

I'm tired of powering through it. I'm tired of the "I'm okay" front. I'm tired of constantly being afraid of what's going into my mouth, and what it will do to me. I'm tired of waking up 10 times a night with stabbing pain that I can do nothing about. I'm tired of feeling like making dinner or doing a load of laundry or playing with the boys might just make me fall apart because I am so physically and mentally exhausted from hurting all day long and trying to work in spite of it.

I'm just so done.

I just wish there was a way to take the gall bladder out and keep the baby in. But since there's not, I want the baby out. Now. It has very little to do with being anxious for her to be here. I'm excited to see her, but I want her to cook as long as possible, and we're not ready for her yet. There's work and showers and shopping and organization to be done. If she came now the timing would mess up our summer plans. But I have to have some relief, and there's simply none to be had. I have no choice but to deal with this, and I've been trying to do it as gracefully as possible, with as little complaining as possible, but I'm losing steam. I don't know if I can handle 4 more weeks without becoming some crazed woman with wild eyes and a raging temper.

It's getting ugly in Pregnancy Land. Might want to steer clear for awhile, until I can have some real food without writhing in pain as it digests, and sleep without being sharply awakened every half hour of the night.