Where is that Christmas Fairy?

For much of this holiday season, the Christmas Spirit has eluded me. I had fun shopping, as I always do, but it was tainted by the insufficient balance in my account to be able to give what I wish I could give. When you have to ask yourself: "If I buy this, will I be able to put gas in the car next week?" it takes of a lot of the joy out of the giving. Pay now and figure it out later doesn't really work for me.

I am stressed. I am tired. I am overwhelmed by the To Do list that Jason and I have. I am heavy-hearted about hardships going on with people I love. I don't feel Christmasy at all. Usually, I can pull myself out of the funk by a drive through the Plaza, or by decorating a batch of sugar cookies with Tanner. But we've done none of the traditions that I've tried to establish. I didn't make homemade gift tags like I always do. I didn't even put bows on the packages! I didn't do a Christmas Card or letter or email. I didn't find any volunteer opportunities for Tanner and I. I didn't donate anything to anybody. I didn't get Tanner a new set of Christmas jammies.

I've let Christmas slip through my fingers.

But I have 4 days left. 4 days to wrap my mind around the fact that life isn't as hard as I'm making it. I should be floating. I have found the love of my life and he came with the bonus of a precious little boy. I have my own little boy, and we have a new baby on the way. The gift of this new family should sustain me, and remind me of God's love and provision. The rest, as they say, is just details. And so I will try. For the next 4 days, I will find the Christmas Spirit and I will bring it to my home and to my children. And when the day comes, I will be overflowing. :)